Day ???

I kind of lost track of what day of my project it is, however I jumped the gun and came out to my parents. I think it’s gonna take them a while to adjust, but I’m very happy I did it. They didn’t say anything negative, to be honest, they didn’t really say much. Words cannot describe how relieved I feel. It is such a great feeling.

I guess I reached the ultimate goal of my project- to muster enough courage to come out. I might not blog much anymore since I don’t feel the need to vent about things anymore. I will keep this blog open and write ocassionally in case I can help anyone out there reading this.

This is my tumblr in case you want to see my art
Also Instagram

Lastly, I met someone…well, I met her a long time ago (a year ago), but it is the first time I’ve wanted to talk about her. She’s amazing, we clicked instantly, we snapchat, message and skype incessantly. We’ve even helped each other come out. There’s only one little problem…she lives 7,000 km away from me. In Australia to be exact.
If she’s from Australia and I’m on this side of the world…does that make me Ellen?
Anyway, I’m hoping to meet her someday

*Cue hopeful romantic music*
I’m off to go skateboarding

Love and Peace,

Andrea

Day 86

To be completely honest, when I came out to my friends, I was expecting my own little lesbian squad to show up in my doorstep the next day. I pictured them holding the first season of Ellen and Rose and Rosie’s wedding photos or something. The L word should have prepared me for this…

Seriously though, it is very hard to find gay friends. Tumblr should have prepared me for this

Anyway, I’ll keep searching. I’m hopeful that I’ll build my little squad, cos right now all my gay friends are scattered through out the globe and they’re all at least a $700 plane ticket away.

Here’s to staying positive 😀

Day 70

I found an old notebook today. It was my English notebook from my senior year of highschool. In it, I wrote down 52 reasons I should’ve know I was gay. I’ll share one now.

Reason #21:

If you’re latin, then you know about quinceañera parties. That dreaded, (not by everyone) almost archaic tradition that every 15 year old girl has to go through. It’s kind of like a Mexican version of a prom and a sweet sixteen mashed together.

Most girls dress in poofy pastel colored dress, dance waltz with their father, and then some kind of modern dance with their “chambelanes” (pubescent boys who escort you during your party), but I…I took the money for the party and used to buy a ticket to Domincan Republic to go see my also gay best friend. I mentioned her in Day 2.

Love and Peace,

Ellen

Day 69

Self acceptance is really important. It took me a very long time to learn just how important it is. Even now, at 20 years old, I have days where I just don’t like the way I am. Today I’m feeling good, today I’m learning to love myself. Here are a few videos I found that truly capture how important not only self acceptance is but also just acceptance.

1. Hornbach “Sag est min deinim Projekt”

It’s a short advertisement for Hornbach, a German DIY store. Rarely does an ad capture such messages so well. I was very impressed.

2. HollySiz- The light

HollySiz is a French musician. Her video manages to convey how hard it can be to express yourself and also how cruel kids and adults can be. The important message here is that there is nothing wrong with expressing yourself, and that a parent’s acceptance of their child is of utmost importance to their well-being.
3. Bad Suns- Salt

Bad Suns is an American Band from California. This video was directed by Daniel Campos, a choreographer and ex back up dancer for Madonna and Shakira. He also appears in Shakira’s “Did It Again”. I love his work. The actress in the video is his wife-also a very talented dancer. Anyway, this video really got to me since the first time I watched it. The message is pretty clear. I will be doing my own version of this video soon, but instead of a transwoman, I will be appearing as a transman.

4. Ruby Rose- Break Free

Ruby Rose is an Australian model, DJ, actress, amongst other awesome things. She will be appearing in Orange is the New Black season 3- CAN’T WAIT! I love her portrayal of gender identity in this video. She really is a huge inspiration.

I guess this post combines self acceptance with transformation. Come to think of it, self acceptance doesn’t come without transformation.

Love and  Peace,
Ellen

Day 67- On Marriage Equality

I was so happy to read this article on buzzfeed:
Mexico’s Quiet Marriage Equality Revolution

I’m so happy and proud to be a part of Mexico’s quiet revolution. Not only does this help the LGBT community, but acceptance of groups outside of the tight gendernormative box increases women’s rights movements-this includes the feminist movement, which is very necessary up here in Northern Mexico.

While the state I was born in and the state I currently live in are very conservative and I probably won’t be able to get married here during my lifetime, I’m happy the country as a whole is taking baby steps towards acceptance.

Also, I was very thrilled to hear that gay marriage was approved in Slovenia and currently waiting for the President’s signature. It will be in effect soon. 🙂

Day 32

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED.
First of all, my apologies to my readers…if I have any regular readers.

It was my birthday this weekend and the girls from my building threw me a surprise party. It was amazing, they took me to an arcade because I felt “old” and nothing says young like pizza, laser tag and go karts :).

I also came out to my best friend here. Let me tell you, right before I said the words: “I’m gay” I was a tangle of fear, nervousness, and doubt- however, 1.3 seconds later I was a bundle of joy, happiness, and emotion. My best friend was thankfully fine with it and so far nothing seems different. I never thought that two  words which are so simple could make me feel so liberated. I want to help other people feel the same way.

A year from now, I will be seated in front of my parents pronouncing those same two words. I really hope those words will have the same sweet taste as they nervously roll of my tongue a year from now.

Love and Peace,

Ellen

Day 20

The fear of failure is so mentally paralyzing.

It’s keeping me from doing what I want and growing as a person.
It is so hard to overcome, but I’m trying.
This blog really helps.

Also, the Help tab is up. If you need someone to talk to or know someone who needs help, let me know. Sometimes we just need someone who will listen. I speak Spanish, English and Portuguese.

Love and Peace,

Ellen

Day 18

Hiding my gayness while watching Miss Universe proved to be a very hard task. The girls in my building found dozens of flaws with the contestants. All I could think was that ALL of them were gorgeous.

They still don’t suspect a thing

Peace and Love,

Ellen

Day 15

A licensed psychologist here is advertising homosexuality as a illness and claims to have a way to correct it. They were handing out these pamphlets by my campus

The paper reads:
“Do you suspect that your daughter, sister aunt is a lesbian. Does she:

• Have short hair?
• Dress like a man?
• Go out with a lot of women?
• Have failed relationships with the opposite sex?

WE CAN HELP YOU”

Let’s see how I did on that check list:

• Have short hair?  NOPE!
• Dress like a man?  sometimes…I wear baseball caps and flannel
• Go out with a lot of women? Yeah
• Have failed relationships with the opposite sex? Yeah, but I’ve also had successful ones

Let’s see how my sister (the straightest girl I know) did on the checklist

• Have short hair? YUP
• Dress like a man? NO
• Go out with a lot of women? YEAH
• Have failed relationships with the opposite sex? HELL YEAH

She scored better than me on that…should I be worried?

I’m very offended, the DSM-V doesn’t recognize homosexuality as an illness, she should know that.

Love and Peace,

Ellen

Day 13

Latin America should follow Uruguay’s example. Their president (Mujica) gives away his presidential pay check to charity and lives out on the country side. Also they legalized gay marriage and marijuana. Why can’t the other countries do the same?

On a side note, I wish I looked like Erika Linder.
Androgyny for me is the ultimate attraction. The first time I saw a picture of Erika Linder, these were my exact thoughts: Are you a boy? Are you a girl? Doesn’t matter, you’re hot.

Love and Peace,

Ellen